He shoots… he misses? Today is all about a little idea. The idea itself, don’t worry ’bout it, we’ll get to that in time. For now, please enjoy me getting my butt kicked in today’s post: Never Try Never Win.
Never Try Never Win (or F$@*%!)
Failure.
The woman I love is crying in front of me and it’s my fault.
I still don’t want to lose the argument. (idiot)
Put in any other context, clearly only the madman would not recognize this as failure, unequivocal, abject failure.
So Johnny Businessman showed up out of nowhere and beat you to the punch, kid.
It was a bad beat.
People were rootin’ for ya.
You fought for it. You countered. You pleaded. You got angry. You took it personally. You theorized. You felt the stages. You’re bruised.
Timing.
You come back to this. Just bad timing or, maybe, it’s someone else’s time, not yours. Oh, that’s petty. Stop it.
There you go again, feeling sorry for…
So how’d we get here? Here on the porch… crying. A beautiful day we’re not enjoying.
Let’s go back a couple weeks…
I'm Going, Going...Back, Back... to...
Sometimes you have an idea.
It evolves like any idea and that’s a good thing… until it’s not, of course, but that’s a different thing.
Your idea gains momentum.
You tell the closest around you in hushed tones and long-form, well-crafted descriptive emails like you’re revealing a closely guarded secret because, well, it is!
You’re bolstered by the interested questions, animated gesticulations, the general positive reinforcement. Others are receptive of your vision, you can tell. You see they see you have a cultivated understanding of the details, the technical minutiae.
The idea grows. It evolves.
Are you getting “carried away” or do you see something others don’t?
“You’re on to something, JR.”
“Keep going,” you hear them say.
You believe.
And, now, you have a plan… You can see it.
You can really see it, with all of its potential and its warts… and the struggle and reward and recognition and pride and satisfaction and community and charity and self-determination and meaning and purpose and…
And, BANG!
Brick wall.
You lose the deal. Blind sided. It’s over. No recourse. Like a sudden death goal, the failure is conspicuously and irreversibly final.
You lose. You lost.
Formulation in Hyper Speed
Good news: that was the bad the part.
Now, let’s turn the page.
Let’s step back and appreciate the many positives emerging from this “failure,” most of which being entirely unpredictable and unintended.
The idea, as mentioned, grew. It evolved. Like the steady, building energy of water approaching cascading falls, the momentum built (is still building?).
Frankly, I surprised myself. I slowly, then quickly went into overdrive. My passion for the vision brought out something amazing.
I focused like a madman. I researched, modeled, analyzed, reached out to strangers, made myself vulnerable, test-marketed, negotiated, bluffed, theorized, drafted business plans, connected with potential partners, visualized a future, leaned on expert advice, leaned on non-expert advice, gnashed my teeth, screamed “fuck!”, whispered “oh my gosh!” under my breadth in genuine astonishment, smiled in (premature) satisfaction.
Or, put differently, I test-ran living the life of an entrepreneur. A real one. Not just a guy that reads about it and follows some people that live in San Francisco on twitter.
Wowza! It is like surfing!
Got Friends in High, Low, Medium places... Just Ask
I consciously tried to keep two things at the forefront as I investigated this potential venture. One aspect proved to be a relatively low bar, while the other continues to present challenges and consternation.
For the easy thing: I asked for help. Historically, and especially so in my 20’s, this wasn’t the easy thing. If I couldn’t immediately find a solution to a problem, my inclination would be to “figure it out.” If I’m honest with myself, that mindset likely originates from a place of shame, fear and embarrassment. In my head, at the time, asking for help was inextricably linked to the shameful admission of ignorance. I saw this as weakness.
Today, a deeply seasoned, mature 30-something (waka-waka!), I sought out answers to questions, asking for help often, admitting straight-faced my ignorance on a given topic and, most importantly, demonstrating an openness and receptiveness to new information conveyed by others. Maybe that’s a sign of maturity, maybe that’s just maintaining humility and a country-boy “oh shucks” attitude of honesty, innocence and integrity.
This works. At least it did (does) for me. Most folks are happy to help you in some fashion if you ask for help in the right way, whether that applies to entrepreneurship or your coffee order.
And then it starts working…
People do support you and your vision, either directly or indirectly. Things start to happen… The snowball builds as it rolls downhill.
More important than any idea, however, is the associated realization. The fact that so many people are not only willing to lend you a hand, but also give words of encouragement, a tacit approval of your idea and a sign of love and/or mutual respect.
Your heart swells, bolstered by the reinforcement and your hyperdrive steams forward, propelled by positivity.
He's Got the Crazy Eyes!
Now, for that hard part. As the momentum built (is building) for the idea, it may become increasingly difficult for the founder to maintain objectivity, an unbiased perspective, a disciplined/unemotional framework, etc.
You see what I’m getting at…
This venture is/was no different. As one door slammed in my face, I realized I stood next to a separate door slightly ajar…
But is this the right door? Am I willing to open this door expecting to see what I spent so much mental energy conjuring only to find a beast, a booby trap, a pit of snakes?
Is this dream over?
Am I trying to fit a round peg into a square hole?
Is my credibility eroding?
Am I a piker with a low stack, on tilt, making sloppier and sloppier decisions?
Pivot
No. Hell no.
I’m working through the natural progression of… something.
If you’ve ever seen a good kung fu movie (or many, many bad ones), you may be familiar with the notion of using an opponent’s momentum against them.
I’m no artist of the martials, but I think this is a thing.
Jiu Jitsu comes to mind.
Now, before I give the wrong impression. I’m not saying I want to go around jump kicking people in the face… that would be… uncouth.
What I am saying is that by maintaining a more pliable framework, one that can adapt to the situation at hand, the explorer will benefit the most in the long-run, while potentially avoiding catastrophic sunk costs.
Nature provides the example.
Go outside, look around. There are myriad examples of living things adapting to their environments. Their resiliency and strength are derived from this ability to fit within the design. They are not any more or any less fit because they can do jumpkicks to faces.
Every living organism knows this. Why have we forgotten?
Conclusion
Gee, that got preachy quick. Let’s wrap this up before the soap box falls through. Here’s a rapid fire succession of some real world take-aways from this experience
- There is no conclusion, no “bow on it.” Everything is a work in progress
- Stability, permanence, safety are illusions, they do not exist and if they do it’s only in your head (and maybe a sign of complacency?)
- Factor analysis (stripping something down to its components) is a worthy and productive thought experiment
- Asking for help yields real results, but it’s a big world out there (but a small one too!), so be mindful of what you share with whom
- Living in the vision and the possibilities of the future, while staying grounded in reality and the present is difficult
- Most people with think you’re nuts (GOOD!), most people will give ungodly poor feedback. You’re first inclination is to debate, don’t! –> Indiana Jones metaphor, you are searching for the artifact
- Adaptation and flexibility = resiliency and long-term success
And finally, to end things where we started: be on the same page with your rock… your spouse. If you don’t get that right, nothing else matters. You can do it alone, many people have. Many have also let an idea compromise their most important personal relationship. Don’t let this be you. Maintain the balance, a delicate, harmonious yin to your yang, otherwise you’ll end up a pea with no carrot and half the fun is sharing it with someone special anyway. Wouldn’t you agree?
***Bonus*** I hope you like the cover picture. It resides in a forgotten place to most, but revered for its natural beauty and history to some. Go find it, you’ll have a blast. Oh, and bring a beach towel for later in the day.
